


The X-Mas Shopping Blues

by Coppermatsu



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures
Genre: 2020 Specord Secret Santa, Gen, Kalos kids say fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppermatsu/pseuds/Coppermatsu
Summary: Gold had arranged for the Dex Holders to do a Secret Santa, much to X's chagrin. His assigned recipient is someone named Blue...Eh, this can be put off.Until your childhood friend keeps you hostage in a crowded department store until you come back out with a gift."Better find a decent gift so Christmas isn't ruined, I guess."
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: 2020 Specord Secret Santa





	The X-Mas Shopping Blues

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift to my recipient, Satan, who wrote for Blue! Hope you enjoyed, friend!!

* * *

...

“ _ X, HOLY FUCK _ !!!” a muffled, energetic voice sounded through the curtained window of X’s room on the second floor, followed by the low  _ thump _ of something slamming into the glass. 

X squinted open his eyes. How early was it…? He slowly rolled over to look at his night stand, successfully cocooning himself in his covers as he did so. The taps on the window continued as he extended his arm begrudgingly to hit his old Holo Caster on. Light blue light blared into his eyes, signaling that it was not even 8am. 

Screw that. 

He retreated within the fortress of comfort and shut his eyes. He agreed to at least get up by 10am on weekdays for Y, but 7:45am? Unreasonable. It wasn’t as though the town was burning down (again), or legendary beasts were fighting in close proximity to Vaniville (again), or-

“X, WE’VE GOTTA SAVE CHRISTMAS!!”

Okay, that one was new. But definitely not pressing. The Holo Caster has messaging features- why couldn’t she just text and wait for his response? 

“ _ I know you put your Holo Caster on silent, you jackass _ !”

Touché. 

X poked his hand out of the cocoon again and retrieved the device. 

“88 messages and 17 missed calls… in three minutes? How…” he muttered, sitting up and opening the notifications. He was interrupted by an incoming call from Y herself. He held it away from his ear before accepting.

“Get up, we have the cutest visitor that just flew in! You gotta come meet him and see what we got in the mail. Open the window!” Her demands were followed by a rapping from behind the curtains once more.

He put the Holo Caster closer once she’d said her piece. “Hey. I have a front door, too.”

“I’m already at the window, so what’s the point? Hurry up! Ah, this is going to be so much fun…!” 

X sighed. It was good to see her so cheerful these days after the tragedy that befell their town, but her tenacity was incessant. 

He resigned himself to his fate. “...Can I go back to sleep afterward?”

“Sure, sure, just let us in!” 

Accepting that he won’t be able to get around it since she has a key to the place anyway, X wormed off of the mattress, refusing to quit his blanket cocoon. Bracing himself, he pulled back the curtains. 

Pressing a letter addressed to X against the window, Y beamed as her eyes met the narrowed gaze of her childhood friend. He unlatched the window and lifted it. 

“Good morning, X! Come meet our new friend- I named him Togege!” She offered her hand to the disheveled Dex Holder. 

X hesitantly reached forward without properly thinking. “Wait, are we doing this on the roof-  _ hngk. _ ” 

Never to be underestimated, Y had already pulled X up through the window to sit with her on the snowy rooftop along with Fletchy and a perplexed-looking Togekiss. 

She wasted no time getting to the point. “Right, so open your invitation! It’s from one of our senior Dex Holders who’s like Green over in Johto. We’re invited to a special Holiday Party, and we’ll get to meet others like us… isn’t it exciting?!” 

He was already groggy from the early wakeup, but the cold air and quick rundown really didn’t mesh well. 

“Uh, sure…” X mumbled, taking the letter. He skimmed it and saw a messily written name at the bottom. “Who’s Bl-”

Y slapped her hand across his mouth, shushing him intensely.

“X, you can’t tell me! It’s a  _ secret _ santa! If we don’t participate properly, we’ll ruin Christmas! I don’t want us to be  _ those assholes from Kalos _ !” she insisted, taking this way too seriously for X’s liking. 

He removed her hand from his face. “...right. So we just show up with gifts? How are we getting to Johto?” 

The blonde girl smirked, looking rather pleased with herself. 

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve got it all worked out. Just make sure you get a good gift for your secret recipient before we leave, ok? We’re going in two weeks! Don’t put it off, or else…!” Y gave ‘Togege’ a scratch under the chin before flying off with Fletchy, leaving the Togekiss and X on his roof in the snow.

They watched her go, both rather lost at what to do next.

“...Uh. Do you want something warm to eat before heading off?” X offered the Togekiss with a small gesture to the window. 

It chirped eagerly and squirmed inside, X following suit. He tossed the invitation onto his desk and guided the unexpected guest downstairs. 

“Hope you like instant oatmeal, because I can’t cook for shit...”

…

...

It was a day before their departure for Johto, and X only knew this because Y had shown up double checking that he had gotten his gift for the exchange.

“...shit, I forgot.” 

“You! What the hell?! I told you to not put it off!” Y huffed, dressed warmly for the weather in fashionable attire from the Snowbelle City boutique. X had greeted her at the door in his pajamas, as usual. 

He shifted his footing, feeling the heat from his feet rapidly leaving. 

“Well, I can still get it today, right?” he reassured her, considering the closest store he could find some novelty Kalos gift from.

Y scoffed. “Ha! You get dressed, and I’ll make sure you get that gift today,” she said, her words a bit threatening. 

X shuddered, but complied without objection. It was his fault for putting it off, after all. 

And then suddenly, he was at the front of Lumiose City’s largest department store. A whopping 13 floors towered before him. People flooded in and out of the many entrance doors, chattering and busy. X tried to turn around and run, but Y had him by his red scarf. 

Not long after arriving, Tierno and Trevor had joined them by the front entrance. 

“Alright, X, here’s the deal: I’m sending Tierno and Trevor with you to make sure you get a good secret santa gift before we head out tomorrow. You cannot leave this store until you find something- and they have  _ everything _ here! I’ll meet back up with you this afternoon. Good luck!” Y waved at the trio before flying off.

X turned to his friends and raised an eyebrow. “Where’s Shauna?”

Trevor chuckled awkwardly. “Aha, well, she was mad that we weren’t included in the invite… so she refused to help,” he explained.

“But we’ll help you out, no sweat! We’ve got some gifts we wanted to nab, anyway.” Tierno smiled, rubbing his knit gloves together. 

Seeing that his two pals had no openings to let him out of this situation, he resigned himself to his fate once more. X nestled his face in his scarf, hiding his nose and mouth.

“Right, let’s get this over with,” he took the lead, entering the busy building with his two good friends in tow.

The sight welcoming them felt busier than a Combee nest. The entrance lobby was packed as people pushed through to checkout lines, customer service, and the various displays of clothes for the winter season. Large escalators located nearby seemed to be adjacent to a large map of the building. 

X and his friends shouldered their way to the map, waiting as a few groups examined the layout first. 

“Oh, who is your recipient anyway, X?” Trevor asked, eyeing the large sign stating “ _ No Pokemon Larger Than 1.8m or With Hazardous Features is Allowed Within the Building - Scan Here to Check! _ ”. 

X glanced back at the invitation he’d brought with him. “Someone named Blue. Gonna take a guess here and assume Green might know her, since they both have color names.” 

“You’re correct, Blue is one of the four Kanto Dex Holders. She’s the trainer of Professor Oak’s Squirtle, too.” Trevor confirmed with a nod. 

Tierno hummed with interest. “Ah, then you could ask him for advice, huh? That’d be perfect!” 

Grateful for a hint, X took out his Holo Caster to message Green. Trevor frowned.

“Erm, Green isn’t very good about answering texts… you might want to just call him.”

X sighed, “why do old people have to always call…” 

“Isn’t Green in his late 20s?” Tierno asked.

“Like I said. Old,” X responded, clicking the call button. 

After a few rings, Green answered. “Hey, kid. This is about that damned party, isn’t it.”

“Tell me about the Kanto Dex Holders. ”

“Look. I don’t care, either. Let’s make this easy. Who did you get?” Green sighed, cutting to the chase. 

X had no issues with this. “Okay, it’s Blue.”

“Ah,” Green paused. “...she enjoys gadgets and accessories, and her specialty is evolution. Just get her Kalosian perfume or something, she bugged me about it when I came back last time.”

“Okay cool. Bye.” 

“You’re w-” 

X ended the call.

Trevor’s eyes bulged. “Wh- X! That’s our senior! Why’d you hang up?” 

“The conversation was over. Anyway, let’s sneak out and go to a perfumier.” X turned around to head back outside to the street, but both Trevor and Tierno blocked him.

“Nooope~! You can buy perfume here, too.” Tierno told him.

“Croaky is literally waiting outside to snipe us if you don’t return with a bag,” Trevor confessed, glancing back nervously. 

X looked past him and- ah, there he was. The Greninja was sitting just outside the glass doors in meditation and met X’s eyes immediately. 

The young man swallowed. “...right, well…” 

X took a glance at the map, which was now clear to view. It seemed like the perfume department was on the next floor, but…

_ Not the perfume department....  _

“Trevor, take us to the electronics. Maybe we could get her some kind of Kalosian device or something.” X buried into his scarf.

Trevor hesitated before responding. “Sure, it’s the 8th floor. But, uh… are you sure you don’t want to get the perfume just a floor above-”

“Electronics. Let’s go.” X shuffled over to the escalator and boarded it, Tierno following behind without question. The little orange-haired nerd sighed before scurrying after them so as not to get left behind.

The crowd’s density increased more than they could have thought possible upon reaching the second floor. Many working Aromatisse and Spritzees fluttered around to help offer samples. X’s nose twitched.  _ Last resort.... For sure. _

The floors leading up to the electronics were not quite as busy as the perfume department, but upon reaching the 8th level, it was clear that they’d missed some kind of memo.

“Oh, that’s right! The Rotom Phone v10 is released today from overseas! Ah, I’m so lucky Professor Sycamore got me one through his connections…” Trevor bemused, watching people shove past each other for closer looks.

The current limited stock was being handled by the staff distributing tickets to all who were interested in purchasing the new phone.

X shook his head. “Not our problem, we want to find Kalosian tech...” he began scooting around the masses to find the open shelves. 

Trevor and Tierno hustled to keep up. 

“X, Kalosian tech has been significantly lacking since Lysandre was taken out of the picture, and-”

They nearly bumped into X as he was stopped by a sickeningly pale man with dark red glasses and uncannily familiar flaming red hair…

“Hello there children, are you looking to purchase the new Rotom Phone v10? Want to avoid all of the lines? Well have I got a deal for you…” The man paused to register the kids in front of him. “It’s you brats…!

The three teens defensively stepped back and stared him down.

“That creepy Team Flare scientist that tried to kill us, uh…! What’s your name, again?” Tierno trailed off.

“It’s Xerosic!” The man spat back, adjusting his tinted glasses. Clearly minor enough that his name had to be looked up online to be recognized, the former Team Flare admin reached his gloved hand for his pokeballs, Tierno and Trevor matching pace.

X lifted his head and raised his voice for the floor to hear: “HEY, FLAME HAIR HERE HAS  _ TWO TICKETS! _ ” 

The crowd turned with hungry Pyroar eyes to the source of the claim, locking onto Xerosic. 

“GET HIM!” A sleep-deprived father screeched within the crowd. X, Trevor, and Tierno dashed out of the way to avoid Xerosic’s unfortunate pummeling by the people’s holiday desperation. The closest refuge was the down escalator, and they boarded with final mocking faces in Xerosic’s general direction. 

Now going to the 7th floor, the trio considered their next possible idea. X was lamenting how troublesome this was becoming. 

“Green mentioned accessories, so I guess-”

“Oh, free samples!” Tierno exclaimed, knocking X from his train of thought.

The 7th floor was a food and kitchen-centric area, somehow incorporating free food samples into the store’s display. Many clerks were dressed as waiters to serve everything ranging from specialty Kalosian cheese to (Kalos style) Alolan malasadas.

X was glancing around for an idea when he made eye contact with an employee nearby that he happened to recognize.

“...Emma?”

“Oh, hey X and the gang... good to see you guys. Where’s Y?” Emma faced them holding a tray of samples. Mimi the Espurr equipped with a bowtie levitated a tray using psychic. 

X shrugged, “Long story. What’re you doing?”

“Part time work. Not quite becoming Essentia, but that’s probably for the best,” she joked flatly. 

Mimi floated chip and dip samples in front of X, Tierno, and Trevor’s faces with an expectant stare.

“Sample? We’ve got a special challenge going on today, too,” Emma explained as X accepted the chip and dip. “Make it through our Mega Madeleine Roulette and earn a free box.”

A free gift to give for an event he didn’t sign up for? It seemed too good to be true.

“...What’s the catch,” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Emma smiled ever so slightly. “Well, out of six  _ powerful  _ flavors, you don’t know which six you will end up with, since it could have doubles.” 

Hm.

Trevor and Tierno seemed a bit perturbed. 

“...Sure, let’s do it.” X agreed, confident no one would attempt to sell madeleines that taste like rotten eggs or mold- especially at such an upscale establishment.

His friends took a step back.

“All you, buddy…” Tierno chuckled awkwardly. Trevor made an X with his arms to seal his stance on the idea. 

A solo player now, X discarded his finished dip sample and tentatively reached for the first madeleine on Emma’s tray. It was wrapped in a gray package covered in question marks.

“Right. Well,” he undid the wrapper and found himself with a seemingly normal mini madeleine. After a moment of examination, he popped it into his mouth and let the pastry bring him to flavor town.

It hit him immediately. The intense, heated spiciness scorched his taste buds with unforgiving pain. He wasn’t even sure if this counted as flavor as much as it was just killing his taste buds. Nearly choking, his face had reddened as he forced himself to finish chewing and swallowing what felt like a morsel of fresh hell. 

“What… the hell  _ was  _ that spicy nightmare,” X gasped, panting from the spicy overload. Emma shrugged.

“The flavors are all extremities of the five types of flavors you might see in pokéblocks or poffins. Extreme spicy, bitter, sweet, sour, and dryness. And the sixth is… nothing. A madeleine that tastes of nothing. Successfully manage six trials and you’ll get a free box of twelve!” Emma smiled her customer service smile. 

X narrowed his eyes. “Fucked up, but okay…” 

“X, language!” Trevor scolded vainly. 

Ignoring Trevor, X picked up the next mini madeleine of doom. 

“So I’ve got a ⅙ chance it’ll be that piece of death again… Hm,” he unwrapped the next one and popped it into his mouth.

Biting down released a sour explosion that twisted his mouth into a pained pucker even a Qualot or Bruxish would struggle to manage. They used to eat sour candies when they were all little, but this was on another warped level of sour struggle. It took everything he had to not fall to his knees.

Trevor and Tierno looked on in horror while Emma seemed impressed.

“Most end up on the floor for sure by the second one… you might have a chance,” she mused. The onlooking friends turned their horror to her. 

“Free… present…” X was hunched over, but still standing. Not spending on this gift meant he could use his saved money for what he really wanted this Christmas… that new Foongus Girl movie coming out Christmas Day. The last one left on such a cliffhanger… finally, answers would be revealed, and her identity would be on the line, and- holy shit, the sourness had risen back up in his throat like bile. 

X shook his head and swallowed before he began his third mini madeleine experience. Whoever designed this wretched idea for a beloved pastry was one sick bastard. 

He thought he was safe, but then the bitterness washed over. And- 

...He didn’t mind this one too much, actually. It was just a bit more than the coffee and dark chocolates he enjoyed. He used this to his advantage, starting his fourth madeleine sooner than before. Emma shook her head.

It was his biggest mistake, to underestimate how powerfully awful a very bitter experience was followed by spicy hell...2! Electric boogle-barf!

This was what made him buckle to the ground, not expecting the spice to sucker punch him that second time. The successive combination was too much. He ended up hacking on the madeleine, choking out cries for water or something to quell his pain. 

It was when he was curled up into the fetal position on the department store floor that Emma gestured with her thumb to the nearest bathrooms. Tierno and Trevor (but mostly Tierno) picked up X and rushed him to the sanctuary, Emma calling out after them: “Congrats on making it the farthest of anyone so far!”

Swearing that he never wanted anything to do with that 7th floor again, the newly recovered X continued with his treasured companions down to the next floor, inching closer and closer to their last resort. All that was left between them and the perfume department was clothes, accessories, and…

“The toy section!” Trevor said, their eyes falling upon the scenery that was the 6th floor. 

Truly a wonderland, the floor was a child’s paradise with toys and displays out for trial everywhere. Kids and their accompanying Pokémon rode around on tricycles, tried out the latest action figures and dolls, bounced around balls, everything… 

X looked more troubled than on the other floors, frowning. 

“Mmm… Green suggested accessories, but I don’t have a clue about those, and don’t know what she would like or need… let’s leave this floor.”

“Oh!” Tierno said, excited, “what if we got her roller blade clip-ons that are popular here? She might like those!” 

Trevor paused. “Well, would that be here or in the shoes section?” 

The trio thought for a moment. 

“...We can ask here, and they’d probably be able to tell us if the other section might have it, too.” X suggested, and the other two agreed. They found a sign pointing to customer service at the far end of the floor.

Stepping around as many of the bustling kids as they could, the trio came to a stop as a group of five kids skidded to a halt in front of them, staring them down. They clutched robot action figures that X recognized from the latest season of the hit show, Proteam Omega.

“It’s Team Flare! Gettem, Proteam Omega!”

Team Flare? The three realized they had all chosen to wear the matching red scarves that Y had bought them two years ago for their Friendiversary. 

Letting out battle cries, the five kids charged at X, Trevor, and Tierno, which caused the friends to dive in different directions to avoid the oncoming attack. 

X ducked into an aisle swarming with plushies, and buried himself in a pile before the kids could catch him. He watched them race past as they mimicked robot noises. 

Once they had gotten distracted and left the aisle, X emerged from his hiding place. He picked up one of the plush dolls, realizing that he’d just jumped into a pile of stuffed Sycamore toys. Why did the professor have stuffed versions of himself on sale for children? 

Disgusted, the Kalos Dex Holder chucked the plush resemblance of his region’s Professor into the ground. 

With that out of his system, he relocated where the customer service station was in relation to his current position. A couple more aisles… using the kids’ robot noises as a guide, he avoided another encounter without too much issue and made his way up to the counter where an employee stood reading a magazine, bored.

X tried not to wheeze from the sudden exercise that he never signed up for, and got the man’s attention.

“Pardon, but do you sell rollerblade shoe clip-ons here…?” 

The employee closed his fashion magazine. “No, we only have Heeliées. They have specialty shops for rollerblade clip-ons now, kid.”

_ Heeliées _ ? Which haven’t been popular since 2008? X couldn’t even remember that year, let alone why people would still sell them when the rollerblade clip-ons have been much more in fashion and more recent, too.

Hard pass.

X tipped his hat to the employee and resigned the idea to the flaming dumpster fire that was this entire outing. 

With his Holo Caster dead from the worst battery life ever and unable to contact his friends missing in action, X boarded the down escalator in escape, his shadow following.

He glanced at it, and the eyes of Garma the Gengar leered back with amusement.

“Took you long enough. Well? Did you find one?”

The shadow nodded eagerly.

“Good. Take me.”

X internally shed a single tear for his friends who he had to leave behind, but he was doing it for their sake… so they could all leave without being sniped by a deadly giant ninja frog.

That’s what he kept reminding himself as he approached his final destination, the 2nd floor’s Perfume Department. 

X visibly cringed. The electronics section was bad, but here, the layout of the many differing kiosks for brands and types of perfumes made the space even more cramped. Worse was that samples were constantly being sprayed…

He bundled his nose up in his scarf.

“Alright, Garma… lead the way.” 

X started his way into the abyss. His face contorted worse than the Mega Madeleine challenge as the strong scents blasted him all around while he navigated the battlefield. Garma hopped from station to station, guiding X deep into the uncharted territory. The Gengar finally settled at the final kiosk.

There it is, the destination in sight…! Finally. Coughing and gasping, he stumbled to the long awaited counter for…  _ Eau de Sycamore _ ?! 

“Traitor,” X growled at his Gengar under his breath. Genga merely cackled, thoroughly pleased with itself. 

The woman working the counter looked at X, confused. “Can I help you?”

“...do you happen to have a perfume preferred by young women that isn’t…  _ that, _ ” X asked, his exasperation evident.

“Oh, yes. You should take a look at our  _ Fleur de Flabébé  _ collection! The scents are  _ Rosé _ ,  _ Jaune _ ,  _ Bleu- _ ”

“Bleu, please.” It was too perfect… well, no, he had certainly put in the effort (and now cash) to get there, so it was relieving to reach the end. And they even wrapped it for him!

The 18th Dex Holder paid for the perfume and sought out his friends on the first floor…

...Who were waiting for him with their own bags at the front. 

Tierno, Trevor, and Y stood by the entrance, grinning as the tired X exited the escalator and trudged over to join them with a bag in his hands. 

“X, you did it! I’m so proud of you…! Aw, you even smell so nice!” Y was beaming, accidentally shaking the tin box in her hands. 

X gave it a glance, and-

“Hey… isn’t that pre-packaged galettes? Why couldn’t I do that and avoid this entire trip?” He protested. 

Y tut-tutted him. “What if you had gotten me as your recipient? It wouldn’t be fair! This gave you the widest variety since you didn’t know ahead of time. Besides,” she shook the tin again, “this is for everyone as a gift from Kalos!” 

She seemed satisfied with this, but X was beyond peeved. He took a glance at his final purchase, knowing that this hard-earned gift will be appreciated, but…

“...Whoever that Gold guy is... he better pay for my Secret Santa therapy.”


End file.
